This Tastes So Good, I Can’t Cry Fudge

I was recently on a plane with a child who cried like a Gremlin doused in acid, which led me to contemplate the one thing that might actually shut it up: food. But it couldn’t be just any food, such as an animal cracker or smoothie pouch. It needed to be something so sweet, so decadent, that the child would simply have to be quiet and chew. That food was fudge. Frankly, I haven’t met a fudge I didn’t like. There’s something about its smooth texture and headache-inducing richness that I oh-so-constantly crave. And because I associate fudge with beach-town vacations, it makes me doubly happy. This Gremlin child obviously wasn’t going to think of perfecting its tan while eating it, but I can pretty much guarantee that fudge would distract it from popping ears, boredom, crying, and the multitude of other extremely rude behaviors babies feel comfortable displaying on the reg. Otherwise, it’s time to resort to children’s Benadryl or consider adoption programs.